I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
