Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
