why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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