I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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