No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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