oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
