I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
COCAINE IS GR8
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
