I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
40s are totally the cure
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
