The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
