called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
