No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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