I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
