Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
