hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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