Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
