I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
