The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
