you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
