At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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