I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
