my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
