Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
