I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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