Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
