take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
