Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
