i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
