My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
