I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
