I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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