It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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