There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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