You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
