He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
