Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
