It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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