Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
