I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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