You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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