the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
