I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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