week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
