so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
