This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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