she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
