Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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