I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
