I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
