She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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