if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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