I wanna bring you to show and tell
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
