So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Damn victory sex feels great
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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