nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
