It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
