I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
