By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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