from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
