the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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