Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
