Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
