Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
