Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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