no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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