If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
