Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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