I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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