like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
