Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
