no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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