Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
