Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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