I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize