During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
