Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
